Some Basics

Welcome, unfortunate soul.

 
Today is a monumental day. Today, we change the course of history forever. You see, I was a bit dishonest with you, reader. That is right – I lied. I lied – and I do not regret it, not even a little! You see, this isn’t actually a guide to zeusing – no – it is a guide to unlocking more parts within your mind in order to achieve Chim and therefore Zeus in a superior fashion. Do not be discouraged, fellow schizo-typical individual zeus, as you will still learn plenty from this guide. You see – this is a guide on how to be an absolutely insufferable piece of Ŝhit so that you can get yourself a spot on the “kick on sight” hitlist anywhere you go. 
 
 
 
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in trolling every time we Zeus.” -Nelson Mandela 
 
First, we need to cover the basics- I am running under the assumption you have the mental capacity of a Coconut, and I need to rectify this. 
 

Basic Controls

 
[N] – Toggle night vision, thermal, etc. So that you can pre-preemptively cheat before you remote control. 
 
[TAB] – Make HUD go away, good for screenshotting those epic moments before you get vote kicked. 
 
[MAP] – Opens map, good for identifying and isolating players so that you can spawn units on them and then pretend like you didn’t do it (They love it when you do that!) 
 
That’s all you really need to know. 
 

Starting your vote kicking speedrun

 
So you’re ready to start – but where at? 
First, boot the game up and navigate to the Multiplayer section. Go into servers – you want to click on “Official Servers”. From that point on, you are searching for a vulnerable usable server so that you can start being a menace to society Zeusing. 
 
 
 
In this example, both of these servers are prime to spread your disgusting filth into since they have no players at all. Perfect! 
 
 
 
Once you are in, you will be greeted with the lobby screen. Here is what you need to do to start off strong, by numbers: 
 
1. Select Virtual/Star icon. 
2. Pick game master. 
3. Hit OK. 
 
Since you’re an utter Ƒucking Ȑetard who can’t do anything right much less breathe oxygen with your mouth shut, you’re not going to “waste time” with parameters. I mean, who needs them, right? 
 
Okay fine, you think you got what it takes? So be it! 
 
Hit “/” on your keyboard, and type #vote admin (your name here). Look, if you’re following this guide or have done any of the above you may be a recovering drug addict, but I need you to focus here – spell correctly! For the image example, it would be “#vote admin An Absolute Moron”, without the “s. Done? Okay, hit “/” again, and type “#missions” – you’ll get a cool little lobby screen. Pick Altis, pick NATO, and pick Regular because you’re a boring loser. After that, hit okay, and you can change parameters. (Make sure you get back into the slot again, repeat steps 1 and 2 as needed ). Here is a screenshot of definitely the best parameters that will for sure not get you kicked within seconds: 
 
 
 
You want to make sure admin debug console is enabled so that your server is vulnerable to scripters. You want to keep reviving on with no equipment requirements to give players a false sense of hope before making the revive time absurd – max it out. Make the actual player bleedout time 10 ticks so that people waste time reviving while also making sure it also takes the same amount of time to force respawn as it does to bleed out, maximizing player suffering. Set incapacitation mode to advanced to ensure that sometimes players just sort of.. die instantly, because that’s really fun. Finally, ensure no one can get into the mod slot “But wait, Larkins, isn’t that the right thing to do?” it is, or it would be – but now, you can just AFK at random moments and force incompetent Ȑetards who don’t even know how to vote kick to wait for no reason. 
 
You’re ready to start the traveling circus, move on to the next part of the guide! 
 
 

First Act of the Circus

 
Humble Beginnings 
 
You just started the server, either ignored parameters or set them up abhorrently. What now? 
 
First, go to Modules (three boxes icon), and go to “Respawns”. Set up a player respawn. 
You’re going to want to do it in the most autistic way possible to piss people off the moment they even join. How do you do that? Easy. Put the spawn in a non-military location for absolutely no reason. In this example, we’ll be using a random Ŝhithole town. BONUS POINT OPPORTUNITY: Waste time making a base for literally no reason – seriously what is wrong with you? take 10 minutes just to make an awful base before finally starting making a mission. 
 
 
 
Arsenal time! 
Okay, you’ve got two choices my dear friend. 
 
1. Just give them the damn arsenal Jesus Christ it’s not that hard I swear to God if I see any of you in real life I’d probably physically assault you 
 
2. dont (lol) 
 
You’re an idiot so you’re going with #2, which also branches a bit into more options, think of it like a JRPG except you just make people miserable. Anyway, you choose to not give them an arsenal because you’re either incompetent or.. actually, yeah, just incompetent – you can’t do something as simple as enforce rules in a video game for equipment despite being the admin – I’d hate to see your home life! 
 
 
Bonus points: Add a fake arsenal box and put random useless crap into or, or nothing at all! Refer to image as example. Context: players are NATO faction. 
 
Final Touches 
 
Make sure to waste more time by putting random crap in their “base” (LOL!) For example, just super-position a group compound into the civilian area for the funnies. 
 
 
Ahh, now that’s a military base, for sure! 
 
Also, make sure to modify the loadouts, which can also be found in modules under the “Respawn” tab. For example, a fan favorite is switching all NATO loadouts to FIA loadouts thus forcing them to play as the FIA for no reason (by the way if you unironically do this i hope your house gets flashbanged honestly) 
 
Bonus Point Opportunity: While in game, spawn a NATO soldiers and use the “Arsenal” module on him. Make a horrible kit – like actual garbage with way too much stuff and not enough stamina – then force players to use said kit while denying them an arsenal LOL (change flashbang to molotov for this one). 
 
 

The Main Show

Time to make a “mission”.

 
There are plenty of different things you can do that can be interesting, exciting, and innovating- 
 
Oh, silly me – I forgot we’re dealing with idiots. 
 
Don’t worry, I’ve got just the thing for you. Introducing: Mission Calisthetics chart (Larkins, 2021). 
 
 
 
Key: X axis demonstrates the worst “missions” you can force people to burn braincells on, and the Y axis shows just how insufferable each mission is, with Defense Operations being the worst possible thing you can do in a public server. After you’ve selected what type of torture method you will be using, lets move on to mission design. 
 

The Main Show – Mission Design

 
Okay, so you’re dead set on doing an insufferable mission, here is what needs to happen: 
 
Zeus Tactics 
 
Normally zeuses should observe common sense decency like not spawning units too close to players, never spawning enemies next to players, etc. Luckily, you’re a loser so you can do that with no repercussions. Plus, you’re the admin, if anyone disagrees with your mental illness just kick them LOL. 
 
 
A nice plot of land about 300 meters from the base… Perfect spawning location! 
 
 
Perfectly balanced, Two T-140K’s and a fireteam of infantry. REMEMBER: Always give players either way too much or too little so that they are always miserable. Also, constantly make logical errors like forcing players to fight enemy tanks as infantry. Remember, if the playerbase does not think you have a mental illness, are you really a good zeus? 
 
Immersion and Setting the Scene 
 
Your mission needs some immersion! 
 
 
First, do random fire support slightly too close to the playerbase. They love it! 
 
 
Then, spawn enemies on top of players. When they complain about it – just deny it! 
 
 
Finally, set the scene by making it night time mid-op. Also, crank up the weather to stormy and make sure there’s an absurd amount of fog – trust me, players love this. 
 
 
As a final touch blast “This is War” for music, also max out the volume LOL! 
 
This is PVP right? 
 
You’re a ḟuckwit so you forgot you’re playing a ḟucking PVE scenario – time to force players to do PVP by remote controlling. Why? Well basically your relationship with your father is really bad. Lets see how we can do this: 
 
 
Locate the remote control module as shown in this screenshot, then click on any AI. Bonus points: Pick the most powerful thing there, in this example the T-140K. 
 
 
Switch to gunner seat… 
 
 
PVP the players until you get kicked or you had to kick them all for complaining. 
 
Okay, all done! You’ve pissed everyone off and are possibly the worst zeus possible, what now? Well.. lets move on. 
 
 

How Schizophrenia and Benadryl can be used to Unlock your Brain

Benadryl Economics

 
Benadryl economics is a theory coined by Paul Larkins in which benadryl consumption and schizophrenia levels are directly related to unlocking your full potential as a public zeus. 
 
This has been tested many times on various homeless people in San Fransisco and the results are conclusive: consuming “Many Benadryls” is good for mission quality. 
 
 
Benadryl economics, data from 2018-2021. 
 
Some may say otherwise but those people are libtards and are therefore absolutely blue-pilled. They are the soyjacks, and we benadryl enjoyers are the chads! 
 
But Larkins, the side effects! 
 
Is what weak LOSERS say. What’s wrong, can’t handle a little stomache pain? Can’t handle organ failure? Jesus Christ dude, you won’t make it a day in a public zeus server at this rate. 
 
Here, I made an informative graph for you to break it down. 
 
 
 
Now you can easily tell that Benadrylmaxxing is superior to just zeusing like normal. This can also be done while just playing to be able to tolerate defense operations. 
 
Be careful though, rumor has it that if you are White and do too much benadryl, you might get permanently stuck in Atlantis. And if you’re nonwhite or mixed uh… you just die dude, sorry! sucks to suck – coudn’t be me. 
 
 
Pictured, the Aryan city of Atlantis! 
 
Not sure if you’re Aryan? Refer to this eye chart – if you’re T07 or lower… sorry dude, sucks to be you! 
 
 
 
 

Final Comments and Conclusion

Yeah.

 
Now you know how to be an absolutely insufferable zeus that literally nobody likes. Your parents hate you. Your future sons and daughters will love the same gender. When you die, your grave will wither and rot and you will return to dust, which is also from whence you came. 
 
If while reading you went “wait, I do that..” – There’s some stuff I can’t say because it will put me on a watchlist but I hope it happens to you. Cease immediately, for everyone’s sake. In fact, if you do that, you’re probably brown! LOL! hahaha! Hey everyone, point and laugh! 
 

I hope you enjoy the Guide we share about Arma 3 – 2021 Guide to Quality Zeusing; if you think we forget to add or we should add more information, please let us know via commenting below! See you soon!