Chair Simulator – In-Chair Guide

 
 

Getting Started

 

1. Make sure you have a Steam account. 
2. Download “Chair Simulator” * from the Steam Store. It’s free! 
3. Launch the game. 
4. When you arrive at the start screen for the first time, you’ll see two options: {New Game, Quit} 
5. If you selected New Game, then this guide is just for you! Select a character. There are 14, and they are designed from INternet CELebrities. N-no offense. Twitch, pls don’t ban.

*Do not confuse this game with “Chair F*cking Simulator.” That one requires adult supervision, even for adults. Also, do not look at that game. My eyes, argh!! 
 
 
 

14 Characters

 
 
Each character has a line they repeat, out of context. I took a jab at being a transcriptionist, and here’s what I got. 
JustMaiko: “What’s up y’all, this is real Michael and today is revenge day.” 
mr. sexyguy: “Virtual reality! 
Muselk: “Ladies and gentlemen, today we’re doing a deathrun.” 
Corinna Kopf: “Corinna Kopf.” 
FaZe Kay: “Alright, this some high stakes right now!” 
Nadeshot: “Please don’t cancel me for this.” 
Cheetles: “Chair.” 
Neeko: “They’re always say, ‘Are you okay, boomer girl?’ And not, ‘Boomer girl, are you okay?'” 
FaZe Jarvis: “I don’t cheat regularly. Like, I don’t. I’m not a cheater.” 
24kGoldn: “Big Dogecoin enthusiasts.” 
Bingo Bob: “BINGO.” 
Dillon Francis: “Hey, I’m Dillon Francis.” 
Lazarbeam: “I am boored!!” 
MrBeast: “… and a $100,000 mystery box!” 
*notices all the chairs collapsed next to Jimmy* 
 
 

Controls

 
 
(Don’t know what’s with the tittles above the O’s are for.) 
 
WSAD – Walk 
Shift – Sprint 
Turn – WA, WD, SA, SD* 
Look – Mouse. Can also be used to turn. 
E – Sit on chair, Stand up from sitting, Open/Close Buy chair UI 
F – Pick up chair, Place down chair. Can be used to fly if E & F are pressed repeatedly at about 720 APM. Make sure to end on E to stay afloat. Razor wrote a guide on this, titled “How to fly”. 
Tab – Inventory (like Ninja Fortnite, who announced he’s back btw) 
Esc – Menu. You can toggle music on/off, but it doesn’t turn off some things (e.g., character voices). 
Left click – Unnecessary to explain to zoomers 
 
*Two directional keys that are opposites of one another (i.e., WS & AD) don’t work for turning 
 
 

100 Chairs

 
Realistically, the best office chair would be the Aeron Chair. Those are expensive though. My typography professor gave an entire lecture on chairs. However, this game doesn’t pursue realism, so based off the SP/M rate and how quickly the PITAO Meter fills, the Eames Lounger and White Toilet are the best. Electric Chair and Castiglioni Stool will kill you if you look away from the game while writing a lengthy guide on an irrelevant game. 
Very Uncomfortable 
Starcl Eros Chair, Heart Chair, Wicker Lounger, Hudson Barstool B, Adirondack Chair, Blue Plastic Stool, Kneeling Stool, Breuer Wassily Chair, Electric Chair, Yoga Ball Chair, Breuer Cesca Chair, Gamer Chair, Castiglioni Stool, Orgone Chair, Cassina Office Chair, Corbu LC8, Shaker Chair, Aalto Stool, Piano Bench, Folding Chair, Retro Diner Stool, Alvar Aalto Armchair, LEGO Chair, Beanbag, Dentist’s Stool, Yoga Ball Chair, Gehry High Chair, Knit Pouf, Pastil Chair, Z Chair, Saarinen Knoll Chair, Camping Chair, Ikea Bar Stool, Throne, Park bench, Modernist Padded Chair, Windsor Chair, Saarinen Tulip Chairs, Ikea Swivel Chair, Bertola Bird Chair, Library Stool, Bertoia Diamond, Milo Baughman Armchair, Classic Rocking Chair, Corbu LC1, Corbu LC7, Sling beach chair, Mammut Child’s Chair, Tibu Stool, Ikea Monobloc Chair, Director Chair, Deck Chair, Ornate Pouf, Train Seat, Barber Chair, Beugelstoel Chair 2, Leather Pouf,Cafe Chair, Padded Pouf, F-22 Ejection Seat, Loopy Chair, Hudson Barstool A, Emeco Navy Chair, Brabbu Malay Armchair, Bistro Chair, Lockheed Lounger, Red and Blue Chair, Thonet Vienna Stool, Magis-XL Puppy Chair, Cane Pouf, Panton Chair 
Pretty Uncomfortable 
—–🪑—– 
Egg Chair, Saarinen Womb Chair, Corbu LC2, Eames Bent-Lam Chair, Monobloc Chair, Curvy Rocking Chair, Lips Sofa, Wegner CH25, Cinema Chairs, Aeron Chair, Corbu LC2, The Iron Throne, Corbu Chaise, Gehry WIggly Chair, Kangaroo Bench, Steelcase Think Chair, Wishbone Chair, Thonet Vienna Chair, Aarnio Ball Chair, Shaker Rocker, Starck Master Chair, Knoll Generation Chair, Emeco Hudson Chair, Barcelona Chair, Eames Molded Armchair, Eames Lounger 
—–🪑—– 
Somewhat Comfortable 
Ikea Poang Chair, White Toilet 
—–🪑—– 
Can’t tell 
Unadorned Throne 
—–🪑—– 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Speedrun Time

 
The objective of this game is to own all 100 chairs. They are purchased from an IKEA knockoff store using SitPoints (SP). 
 
 
You can reach this place by exiting your humble abode through the door, which can be found in the image below. 
 
As you can see in the bottom right corner, as of the time I captured that image, I own 3 chairs. The default folding chair, an electric chair (an apparatus used by Thomas Edison to attempt to discredit Nikola Tesla in the battle of the currents), and The Iron Throne. The latter has the following flavor text: “*looks directly at the camera* ‘we all lose when we play this game…of thrones'” This is what I will be discussing next: loss. No, not that kind of loss. 
The PAIN-IN-THE-A*S-O-METER gauge is divided into 12 sections. Leonardo Gabriel wrote a guide on this, titled “How to get Coins quick”. 
—–🪑—– 
When it reaches 4/12 (simplified fraction is 1/3), it turns orange. SP gain is slowed. 
 
 
When it reaches 2/3, it turns red. You lose SP around this 66.6% mark (ooh a percentage!). A heartbeat and beeping noise will alert you. SFX will be accompanied by sirens at 5/6. 
 
 
When it reaches 💯, all progress is loss. 
 
 
Note: When starting a new game, previous progress is lost. There is only one save state. 
—–⚠️—– 
Ending Spoiler 
After acquiring all chairs, the following text will show up: “You came. You sat. You conquered! You’ve warmed countless seats, leaving a deep and indelible impression on each and every one! Well done, sitlord. But… Sitting has changed you. You look down, now, at these limbs, at all this sinew and flesh. It seems so excessive, doesn’t it? Limbs, flaying. Appendages. Poorly-designed. A bit old-fashioned. Outdated? The real you has been trapped here, hasn’t it? Here, in this prison made of flesh. It’s a thought you’ve entertained before, isn’t it? Privately. In dreams. And now you become chair. These arms are now perfectly suited to hold other arms, offering a place to rest. These feet are now planted, firmly, upon a tasteful upcycled wood floor in a converted loft. You torso—built for comfort and function—now provides support, your legs are now a refuge for weary bodies. This is your purpose. This is no simulation. Be. Chair.” 
 
 

Known Bugs

 

• If you’re flying and fall off the map (gray areas), you’ll fall perpetually because the slope of a vertical line is undefined. To escape this, restart by quitting to the start screen and continuing. Save progress is saved when you do this, so you’ll spawn in your house. If you are within the floor area but not inside your house, you can run past the two inner walls. 
   
   
  Being on top of MSCHF Home Furnishing’s roof is has no escape routes aside from restarting AFAIK. 
• Even after owning all 100 chairs, the percentage doesn’t display 100% and shows other values.

 
 
 

Acknowledgements

 

• MSCHF for being MSCHF 
• Steve Jobs for playing a large role in the invention of the iPhone, otherwise I would not have known of this 
• Einstein for my phone’s clock’s accuracy, otherwise I would miss the next drop at 0800 hours sharp 
• u/-Cataclysm_King for thumbnail 
• LouisGalaxoz for making it less work for me to get up from my chair in game to screenshot the start screen, but I did it nonetheless because it’s too damn beautiful 
• Jesus 
• Wikignomes 
• My mom 
• Everybody I forgot to mention

 
 

This is all about Chair Simulator – In-Chair Guide; I hope you enjoy reading the Guide! If you feel like we should add more information or we forget/mistake, please let us know via commenting below, and thanks! See you soon!