Stardew Valley – Top Six Flyest Honeys

What classifies a girl as a “Honey”?

Well that’s easy, pal!
A Honey is simply any woman who 1) isn’t married and 2) is willing to marry you, because if this was the list of the top two hottest things in history, not committing adultery and consent would be number one and two.
Also, for the sake of this list, we’re going to assume the player is a female. This is because of several dialogue choices that change between the player’s gender when romancing a woman, most specifically in the cases of Abigail and Leah.
Note before we get into it: This contains unmarked spoilers for some heart events. I won’t lie to you, I just don’t particularly feel like marking them. So be warned I guess.

Number 6: Maru

If you don’t mind, I’m gonna be real for a sec…
All of these honeys are fly, and I really need to emphasize that. Maru isn’t in the 6th slot because she’s bad at all, it’s simply because of my personal opinions.

But anyway, let’s hop into the Honey Analysis (HA)
Maru’s a smart girl, and I admire that. And frankly, I feel like not enough people in the town admire that. Like… she literally built a sentient robot that desired it’s own freedom which she let free to explore the universe. People don’t just do that.
Honestly, she’s almost too fly of a honey for me. Like I don’t think I could reasonably marry her without feeling like I was holding her back from turning the world into a real life Detroit: Become Human (Like one of the good D:BH endings, not the bad ones). I just can’t take responsibility for something like that at this point in my life.
And, if I’m completely honest with you, she literally electrocutes you at one point and you lose 50 friendship points unless you pretend you aren’t in immense pain, which is a little weird for me. Like girl you literally could have killed me, I feel like a have a bit of a right to be upset.
On the topic of friendship, you can lose an entire 100 friendship points with Demetrius and gain nothing positive in return if you tell Maru the truth after he borderlines threatens you. This is a genuine suggestion if this somehow gets seen by someone working on the game, maybe you could gain some points for Maru by telling the truth? I just don’t like the vibe of being threatened by someone and only getting punished for saying something.

Number 5: Emily

Now, Emily? She’s a pretty fly honey, I gotta tell you.
Emily was actually the first girl I married in the game, so I do think she’s pretty fresh, but she just doesn’t do as many things right as some of the later girls do, at least in my opinion.
I must say to start off with, I love the sheer trippyness of some of her heart events. I was vibing extremely hard during the dancing cutscene, and if any of you dare responded “That was embarrassing…” after watching it, I will find you.
Along with this I gotta admire the girl’s craft, like she’s pretty dang good. There’s a reason she’s the face of the dye bundle, she’s got a really nice, creative personality and can made a dang good outfit in that fourteen heart event.
However, there is one big problem I have with the process of romancing Emily, and that’s Clint. I just feel so bad for the poor guy, and I can never go through her path without feeling at least a bit guilty for taking her from him, even though I know them ever getting together is physically impossible due to this fact that the game is “Not programmed to do that” or whatever. I honestly wish that there was a way to either set up Clint with Emily or like, some other random girl. Maybe you help him learn how to use a computer so he can start online dating, that’s my pitch.
And while I feel a bit bad about trashing it, especially since I accidentally forgot about it and did it a full year late in one of my playthroughs, I’m not that impressed with her ten heart event. It’s definitely cute, as they all are to some degree, but it just never particularly hits with the same degree as the other ones do. And I don’t know what that rustling of the tent was afterwards, seems a bit suspicious to me.

Number 4: Penny

Penny? She’s fly. Taking care of children and living in a dope trailer? Fly.
We’re at a point in the list where there aren’t particularly going to be flaws, persay, as the flyness of these next 4 honeys is pretty high. Or at least in Penny’s case, the flaw doesn’t exactly have to do with her, rather a choice you have at her ten heart event.
I have pondered this for literal days, but I cannot think of a singular, solitary reason why you would EVER break this poor girls heart by saying you don’t like her too. I don’t care whether or not you marry her, or about the fact that it’s a game, you are truely, truely heartless if you voluntarily choose “Sorry, but I don’t like you in that way…”
But hey, enough complaining, lets talk about what makes Penny so fly. I mean, she’s literally just a great girl in general; she’s good with kids, great at first kisses, kind to my main man George (shout out to George), and she has read at least one book as I’ve learned from seeing her reading under the tree. That’s a dang good list if I’ve ever seen one. It’s better then this one, at least.
If I gotta be totally honest, I find myself having less memory of her events then some of the other honeys (Aside from her ten heart event, which is one of my personal favorites), and that’s a big reason why she’s a bit lower on this list.
I am also not too sure about one of her conversation questions rewarding you more if you help her pretend her mother isn’t a major alcoholic instead of telling her it’s best to be realistic. Like Pam drinks a lot. Of alcohol.
I do like when she calls me beautiful in the ten heart event, cuz g-dangit I am beautiful.

Number 3: Leah

Honestly? Leah? Kind of a fly honey, not gonna lie to you.
I really like the continuity of her heart events, she definitely feels like you’re living out a story when you romance her rather then just seeing a collection of different moments. Also, having the choice to see two entirely different eight heart events is pretty unique.
That said, the whole Kel thing is a bit weird for me. Like I know I’m supposed to dislike Kel, but I mean, I dislike Kel. Getting to watch Leah punch them is pretty dope, I’m not gonna lie to you, but I kinda wish I never had to see them at all? I will acknowledge, however, that recognizing the existence of ex girl/boyfriends being creepy like this is a good thing, because sometimes that’s a really big problem and it shouldn’t be pushed under the rug.
Seeing her blush and ponder about how you like girls too when you creepily ask for a kiss in the two heart event is a bit cute, but of course you shouldn’t creepily ask for a kiss because you’re not a jerk. You better not be a jerk. I don’t want jerks reading my guides.
Maybe it’s a weird suggestion, and I’m definitely don’t claim to be a good video game story writer or anything like that, but I think it’d be cool if you could have a follow up picnic or something after Kel ruins your original one in the ten heart event? Hell if I know what you would actually do on it, maybe just some cute, relatively vanilla dialogue. And potentially, what if Kel interupts the two of you before you kiss on the first picnic and then you share an actual first kiss on the second? That’s probably way too far to ask for a ten heart event to just be changed like that, but I’ll try.
I do really like Leah as both a honey and a character, it’s nice to see an artist like her nicely represented and I love the fact that she lives in her own little cottage. All around? Pretty fly honey.

Number 2: Haley

If you were paying attention, now you know who number one is. But, between you and me, let’s just pretend that you don’t until you actually get to that section.

Now Haley is truly a trick fly honey. I didn’t think she was fly at first, she seemed like a bit of a meanie. One could say she was a bit of a blond, but since I don’t like claiming people have a certain personality due to the color of their hair, I won’t call her that. But I feel like Haley really does turn around really strongly once you get to know her.
I definitely remember nearly all of her events fondly, not as much for the four heart one but I do really like the cute little heart she gives after you open the jar for her. It really feels like an arch, at least to me and my tendency to over analyze things, with the kinda of whiney two heart event, to the six heart event where you learn about the way she truely values a passed down family necklace, and finally the eight heart event where she still keeps a smile on her face even after getting all messy.
Haley doesn’t necessarily seem like it at first, but she really is one of the sweetest (and flyest) honeys in the game. I don’t really see any flaws within her heart events that I could point out.
But if I had to name one things, I do find it a bit strange that she absolutely despises being gifted a prismatic shard, especially considering it retails for 2,000 gold. Like I don’t care if you don’t like the way it looks, Haley, I literally just handed you enough money to purchase 20 silos.
Overall, Haley earns her spot at the second flyest honey in the game. I really love her fourteen heart event where she raises money for Penny and the kids, so cute.

Number 1: Abigail

Abigail is best honey. That’s it. That’s the section.

That is not the section. Abigail is the best honey for quite a few reasons. Not only is she a sword honey, one of the objective best kinds of honeys, but she also manages to balance that with being so cute in her dialogue and in some of her heart events. Especially her dialogue, hearing some of the things she would say to me at high friendship seriously made be ponder divorcing Leah and getting with her in one of my games, and I usually really don’t like the idea of divorce.
I wouldn’t describe the kiss with her during the ten heart event as the most passionate kiss in the game, that’s a somewhat tie between Penny and Haley for me, but it definitely feels like the sweetest and honestly, most genuine one. I really felt something during the dialogue I exchanged with her before it, and I’ll say it again, if you dare hurt my Abby by clicking on “You’re crying like a little baby. Stop.”, I will find you. It’s easily my personal favorite kiss in the game.
But to get away from the shallow end of the pool, I really like how Abigail fights against the beliefs of her strict mother. Especially since Caroline doesn’t deserve to be strict at all considering she not only slept with a random Wizard in the woods, but also berates Abigail for dying her hair purple when her hair is like, straight green? Like… what am I supposed to believe? That your natural hair color is just straight up green?
Back to Abigail, she really is a super sweet honey through and through. Her fourteen heart event personally leaves a bit to be desired, but aside from that I just always really have a good time with Abigail. From getting to play a two player version of that game I can’t remember the name of at the moment but really wish had an actual two player version in multiplayer games to playing a perfectly logical duet with a harp and a flute, I never forget any of her cutscenes.
Yeah, so that’s why I think Abigail is the best honey.

Thanks for reading this thing.

I’m thinking of making a “Top Six Finest Fellas in Stardew Valley” if this guide somehow goes anywhere. Oh god, I just remembered this is supposed to be a guide, this effectively teaches as close to nothing as something can…

Oh, who am I kidding.

I’m going to make Top Six Finest Fellas in Stardew Valley whether anyone sees this or not.

(Psst, it’s me from the future. Top Six Finest Fellas has been made if you’re interested in reading that one too)

(It’s me again. In case you aren’t gonna check the comments, the next guide Top 21 Neatest Non-Marriage Candidates is out now)

(That’s right, it’s the good ol’ author again. Top Nine Non-Giftable NPCs is out now if you have any interest in that, so feel free to check it out. And thanks for all the support on this guide!)

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